At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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