They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
