I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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