i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
