I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
