Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
