omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
