is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
