If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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