if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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