Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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