I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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