Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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