Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's blow job season.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
