Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
