I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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