If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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