I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
