I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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