I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My penis needs a shock collar
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
