boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
