I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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