You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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