Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
