Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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