How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
