I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
