You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
