It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
