I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
