tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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