dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
