party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
