We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
