i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
