never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
