You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
