If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
