So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
