so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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