who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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