Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
not ubering you a puppy
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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