the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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