I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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