Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
