Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize