God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
