The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
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