I think i peed on brittanys purse
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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