They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
