Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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