Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
