I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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