Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
