i jhust puked up my retainher.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
