Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
