textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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