i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
