He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I don't think brook has ever known best
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
