i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize