i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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