It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
