I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
