If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
