I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
