it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
