I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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