It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
