Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
