I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize