I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she told me i tasted like america
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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