Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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