You can't motorboat a personality
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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