I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
